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I have been a Christian since I was 14 years old. However, I have struggled with my faith many times since then. With all of the ups and downs of life that I’ve been through, it hasn’t always been easy to have complete faith that God is in control.
The last few years have been hard for me. I fell twice several years ago and hurt my knees. The second time I couldn’t bend my right knee for a month so I was in bed most of the time. Unfortunately, I gained weight after that since I couldn’t walk as much. That plus all my other health issues have just made me not want to do anything. I don’t have children of my own. I have an adult stepdaughter who doesn’t live with us. I don’t work outside of the home or get out much at all. My life pretty much consists of watching tv and playing with the dog. (Yes, I’m one of those who has conversations with the dog) All of that plus a bunch of other little things that I struggle with make it really hard to be passionate about anything.
The whole point of this blog is to help women thrive in their lives. Not just exist. But that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I’m tired of it. I want my life to thrive. I want to grow in my relationships with God, my family, and my friends. I want to grow as a person by learning new things, work on getting better at things I already do, and I really want to accomplish things that I’ve been dreaming of.
I recently started reading one of my favorite book series from my favorite author that I first read as a tween. It’s called the Christy Miller series by Robin Jones Gunn. They’re short books made for tweens & teens but they helped me a lot growing up. I learned a lot about having a relationship with God and reading these books actually made me want to read my Bible more. Now, as I’m reading them again, the same thing is happening. The more I read my Bible the more I see that I need to work on myself. I felt called by God to start this blog but I can’t just write it. I don’t want to be fake. I have to trust God and really get to know Him better so that He can work through me.
I don’t know about you, but for me, it can be so easy to just act like everything is great. Even when I’m hurting inside.
One of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 15:13. It says “A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.” I first found that verse on a card with a smiley face on it. I happened to be *slightly* obsessed with smiley faces growing up! The card only had the first half of the verse on it. I never really paid attention to the second half. However, the last few years I’ve had a sad heart. I can honestly say that my spirit has been broken.
Losing My Faith
I don’t know that I really lost my faith, but I definitely lost a big part of it. I think it really started when my grandparents died and then my dad died. We stopped going to our church because it was too hard. Plus, so many things had changed at the church, it just didn’t feel like home anymore. We had been going to that church my entire life. Ever since then, we have tried a few different churches, but, none of them really fit us. It’s so frustrating.
I’ve also been dealing with depression since all of that. Honestly, I felt like I had been abandoned. I had lost some of the most important people in my life, (all within a year!) I felt like I had lost my church home and family, and for a while, I was just angry with God. I felt so lost.
I knew I needed to make a change. I needed to pray more, read my Bible more. I still haven’t been going to church but that is my plan.
I started reading a devotional book a couple of months ago and I have been having a quiet time with God every day since then. For the first time in years. I have been crying out to God to help me feel better physically and emotionally so that I can start living again. Today I even read several chapters of Psalms and Proverbs. Let me just tell you, it feels good to be in the Word of God!
I know I’m not alone in this struggle. My prayer is that, if you are going through this same thing, that you will find strength and comfort from knowing that you are not alone! I also invite you to download this freebie I made with 12 Bible Verses About Faith When You’ve Lost Yours.
What are you struggling with right now?
Sarah is a thirty-something southern gal from Nashville TN. She is married to Matthew. She loves reading, scrapbooking, photography, blogging, movies, etc. She is close with her family, and has the absolute best friends anyone could ever ask for! She is a stay at home wife, an entrepreneur, an artist and an avid reader.