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When I was growing up I always had a lot of friends. I was outgoing and I would literally talk to anyone. These days, I have a handful of lifelong friends that I know are always here for me. I still talk to some of my friends from my church youth group on Facebook, but most everyone has moved away. It is much harder for me to make new friends these days, especially since I am a stay at home wife.

I am so excited! My best friend in the whole world is coming to visit me this weekend! She lives two states away and I miss her constantly. We usually get to see each other for a few hours about twice a year. It’s never enough. But this time she is coming for a work conference and staying in my guest room! We even fixed the guest room up for her. Check out her post here.

A few years ago my husband planned a surprise birthday weekend with all my besties. We were all talking one day about how I was the one who really started the friendships. I’m the outgoing one and they are all introverts. It was kind of funny to think about. But these days I’m more of a homebody. I don’t go out much. I don’t work outside the home. And we’ve been trying to find a church for a few years, so I don’t have a group of people I can hang out with from church.

Tips to make new friends

Let’s face it. Small talk sucks. “The weather is sunny.” “What do you do?” “How was your week?” Ok, maybe it doesn’t completely suck, but for some people, it’s hard to do. I know my sister and my bestie hate it. So how do you make friends if you hate small talk?

Ask Interesting Questions

Don’t just ask about the weather or how someone’s weekend was. That can end very quickly and then you’re just sitting there staring at each other, awkwardly. Instead, ask questions about their job. “How did you become a {job title}?” “What is your favorite thing about where you work?”

You can ask about entertainment, travel or food. For example, what books they are reading or shows/movies they are watching. For food, you can ask what their favorite food or restaurant is. When I talk about travel, I usually end up talking about Disney World! Bucket list travel ideas are always fun to talk about. There are so many things that make small talk easier!

Be Yourself

Don’t try to put on a show or act differently than you normally do. Be yourself. Be nerdy or silly or whatever you want! I’m a big nerd. I love talking tech stuff or blogging. But I also love geeking out about my favorite things. Don’t get me started on Marvel or Disney. I’ll talk your ear off!

Smile

Even if you’re super shy and introverted, make sure you’re smiling. If you’re sitting at a party or church event and you are just sitting there with no smile, people may think you’re stuck up or something. That happened to my sister in our youth group. She was just so shy that she was terrified to talk to people! Once she smiled people would come talk to her.

Say Yes to Invites

I don’t know about you, but most of the time, if I get invited to something I tend to say maybe or no. It’s not that I don’t want to go to that party or get together. I am just more comfortable in my recliner wearing my yoga pants. I’m a homebody. Part of it is also my health issues. But I need to make myself go. I don’t have a lot of good friends who live nearby. My mom pointed out to me the other day that I don’t have people I can call on if I need help. Like moving helpers or if I get hurt and need someone to help with meals or something. I used to have that but since we haven’t found a new church home, we don’t anymore. If I start going to things people invite me to I will have a group of close friends who will be there for me.

Invite Someone to Coffee

When I meet someone who I think is cool and seems like I would enjoy hanging out with, I invite them out for coffee. Beautiful friendships can bloom over a cup of java! It’s also less intimidating. Just two people hanging out. You can be more relaxed and just let the conversation flow. One time, I sat and talked to a new friend at Starbucks for almost three hours! Time just flew by as we got to know each other.

Don’t Give Up

Whether you are sitting at an event and smiling, or you invited someone out but they said no, don’t give up! Reach out to someone sitting nearby and start up a conversation. Invite them to more things. No isn’t always no, it could be not now. You can always get a rain check and hang out another day. I get it. Life is super busy! It’s definitely harder to be spontaneous than it used to be. Make it a priority to get out there and meet new friends.

Do you have a tip for making new friends as a Stay at Home Wife?